confusion and other ways that I am a bitch

So I broke up with craig about a month ago.

But I didn't break up with him because I didn't care about him, quite the opposite.

I still really care about him, but it was me who broke up with him and I can't just play about with his emotions and start dating him again.

I know my friends would kill me. They were never very approving of our relationship.

I think my problem is that I know I can make a relationship with Craig work if I stop being a bitch, but every time I go home people remind me "Cassie, you can't function without sex- what the hell are you doing with him?".

Then I convince myself that we are just too different and that it can never work because I am broken.

I also cannot convince myself that I don't believe in God anymore.

There.

I said it.

I keep telling myself that I just want sex and lust, fooling around where no one gets hurt and everyone enjoys themselves, and yes I do enjoy sex... but I what I really get out of it is the feeling of being wanted.

I don't need sex, I need to feel like I have some kind of value.

I actually just flit about wanting to feel loved.

Good God that's pathetic.

I can't ask Craig out again, he would probably say no. Everyone would disapprove. It would probably be a mistake.

But that doesn't mean that I don't miss him.