Starting a ministry

Point one:

I am NOT equipped to work in a church. I am selfish. I need constant approval and rewards. My motivation is entirely that people think that I am good, capable, talented... the list goes on.


Problem 1:

For 7 months I have felt called to start a ministry for strippers in central London.


Problem 2:

Googling has not helped me find any existing missions that I could sign up to and help on the most basic level


Problem 3:

I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing


Problem 4:

I swear

Christians be Cray Cray

So today there was a mildly amusing facebook argument happening on my feed. 4 out of the 5 people talking were being very polite to each other and were asking questions, getting answers, exploring the others view point. One was just going off on one.

The thing is 5 out of 5 of them believe in God and Jesus. 4 out of 5 would identify as Christian, this soon became the crux of the argument. Unfortunately it's probably unnecessary to point out that the person going off on one was one of the ones that identified as Christian.

The person going off on one, let's call them Kurt, was accusing the one who no longer identified as Christian, let's them Grace, of having lost their faith.
Kurts argument was that if you are no longer part of the organised Church and don't call yourself a Christian you have lost your faith and logic would therefore dictate no longer believe in God.
Grace was saying that she was still a follower of Jesus, still a believer in God, still an upholder of the faith. She just didn't want to identify with people who were persecuting and being unloving to people of other faiths and sexualities and believed that if these arguments were being upheld in churches than it was better for her to separate herself from them and continue her personal journey with God through prayer and bible study. She also pointed out that it was Still not Kurt's right to accuse her of having lost her faith.

This was all rather fascinating to read. Whilst eating chinese food, because I cba with going downstairs for popcorn.

Several hours later now that I have given up tonights fight against insomnia something strikes me.
No one has accused me of having lost my faith.
I suppose that's because I'm always in the church cafe tapping away at my computer or chatting to the staff. It might be because I cook for church events. It might even be because I help out in the church office every now and then.
I genuinely can't remember the last time I sat through a Sunday service.
I finally picked up the guts to leave my home group a month ago.
I can't remember the last time I picked up a bible, not that I even know where mine is.
I can't remember the last time I was even at worship.
I have no idea what's going on with my faith.
And yet I have people trying to convince me to be a mentor and to speak at events; Whilst Grace is being accused of having no faith.

Christians be cray cray.

Are people confusing a religion with a social club? If the vicars wife knows your name then you're probably doing alright but if you're not turning up to the pot luck lunches then it's not just the quiche that's gonna burn?

Madness


**I would like to point out that Kurt was not a member of the church I attend and was in the minority within the facebook argument, he's also a nice guy just a bit... crazy christian.

Gay and God

What do you do when you want to build a relationship with God and you support LGBT rights?

Please tell me "nothing, they are one and they same thing, there is no conflict here".

I just cannot wrap my head around the concept of homosexuality as a sin, I can't understand it, I can't tolerate it and I most certainly can't respect it. What would the point be in supporting a deity that you can't respect?
If life got a little bit Old Testament and a disembodied voice of God bellowed down to me:

"Hello; This is God. Homosexuality is a Sin. It's wrong, I don't like it, I want you to help me wipe it off this earth and show people the error in their ways"

I would have to say "No". I can't support this blanket "The bible says no to homosexuality" ruling. There is no explanation, there is no reasoning. To me that would be like turning around and saying "Sacrifice that child, trust me there is a reason". It goes against everything I believe in, everything I have been bought up to be, the very fibre of my being.

It's something that I cannot have "Faith" in.

I know, "there is no point in having Faith in something you understand or can prove" but this is the line for me, the line where I would have to turn an omnipotent being and look them in the eye and say "No. This is not what I believe to be right" and hope that they respect me for it.

Someone please find me a quote from the New Testament where Jesus is all like "Dudes, we're cool with the whole girl on girl/ guy on guy thing now, it was just a phase we went through. Like disapproving of bacon, or insisting that you stone your daughter to death if she doesn't marry the man who raped her." You would save me a lot of existentialist turmoil.

A quick google of the issue presented me with the above.

A Super Sunday Service

Yesterday I went to a Sunday evening service at St. Michaels in Southfield's.

so pretty.....

I'd had two previous experiences of this church, neither of which had been particularly pleasant. I must express that I don't blame this on the church. The first (most awkward and generally horrifying experience) was on the last day of my Alpha course, about 2 years ago, where they took us to this church. The minister deeply misinterpreted the audience and started talking about speaking in tongues and healing.

 I was terrified. 

My next, far less traumatic, experience was probably about a year ago. A friend encouraged me to go along for the Sunday Morning Service (pretty awkward) followed by talking to a member of the church staff (super awkward and I got super duper weepy).

Yesterday however, was lovely. 

I think they key difference was *ahem* me.

I wasn't acting like the awkward "omg this is so embarrassing and weird" agnostic who didn't want to be there. Secretly hoping that someone else would do something to make me open up. 

This time I agreed to go along with a friend without making a fuss. I sang along to the music (thankfully easy to pick up as I had obviously never heard any of it before), I bought along a pocket bible and made notes, and I really enjoyed myself.

I even went up to the front at one point, and when people put their hands on my shoulders I didn't freak the bejesus out.

I was really trying to not be selfish. I think that's what my relationship with God has always been before.

"What can God do for me?"

"How can you prove to me that God exists?"

Rather than just being open.

 Yesterday I tried to go along and rejoice and learn for the sake of it, rather than looking for people or deities to fix me.

I really do recommend St. Micheal's to anyone who finds churches scary. The 6pm Sunday service is a nice small size (but not too small that you feel overly noticed) of students and adults and everyone goes to the pub afterwards! For more information their website is: www.stmichaelssouthfields.org

The Church of Wagamamas

I definitely failed to attend a service today. Instead I went to Wagamamas with Cath where we had many a theological discussion.

Surprisingly I'm not even being sarcastic.

There was talk of Jesus over cheese cake.