I had the overwhelming urge to hurt myself today.
I just opened the front door and Wham! It's hit me. Just how good it would be.
I must point out at this point that I did NOT do anything. I was shocked enough that the temptation even came back, I'd like to think I closed that chapter of my life a long time ago.
I thought it came completely out of nowhere, I mean I've been fine for a while, but when I think about it I've been going self destructive for a bit.
The whole thing with PCT is basically self harm in it's self. I'll admit that the only person I hate more than him is me.
The starting smoking again, chain smoking at that.
and the distancing myself from the church, on some level deliberately not engaging.
Why am I doing all this crap? (mainly the PCT bullshit)
How do I make sure it doesn't escalate?
***resolution: continue my steely resolve to avoid the PCT temptation and possibly stop smoking with Nay***
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